Wife Lied About her Virginity

My wife lied about being a virgin and this is how it all happened. I’ve been married for last 2 years. It was arranged marriage and everything  was fine before marriage.
I come from a middle class family who respect Indian values. Before marriage I asked my wife whether she had any affair and to what extend if there was any physical relationship.

She accepted to having a romantic affair for 2 years, but said that she comes from an Indian family and value’s the Indian culture, hence did not had any physical relationship. I was very much humble to believe and agreed to marry her.

Before marriage she revealed that she has had physical relationship in past and from that day I never wanted to marry her. But due to pressure from both the family and emotional dialogues I got married.

Last 2 years of marriage is hell, every moment only one things\ goes in my mind. And that is my wife has slept with someone and she lied to me, she has broken my trust and hurt me a lot. She has also suffered.

Now we find ourselves in a situation where I am happy to leave her. She doesn’t want to leave because of her family pride. I don’t think I can forget this and stay happily and have kids but each day  I am affecting my health as I cannot sleep for more than 4 hours.

I am planning to do counseling or psycho therapy, but I don’t think I can forget this. It is easy to say it was her past but when you are leaving with the women day and night. It hurts and life is hell.

Please advise as I need to decide fast.

 

Hello Dear Husband,

I feel your pain especially considering the part of the world you come from and how you hold values very high.  Three mistakes were committed

  1. She lying about being a virgin
  2. You agreeing to marry her when you knew it hurt so much and can’t get over it.
  3. Your families giving you pressure to marry her.

I have couple of Indian friends who married through an arranged marriage, but they liked the girls and didn’t have any issue.  They’re happily married now.

One simple question before I advise you. Did you have any love affair (physical) with any girlfriend before you got married to your wife? If you’ve had a physical affair with another lady then you have no moral right to complain about being hurt because she has been with another man.  The girlfriend you had an affair with is also going to marry another man.  Have you thought of the way her husband will feel too? If you didn’t have an affair with any girlfriend then that is ok.  I believe you didn’t since your family has high morals.

My advice is that since your wife told you ahead of the marriage she can’t be said to have deceived you into marriage.  She lied from the beginning but did the right thing by letting you know before marriage so it wouldn’t be very fair to pay her back this way.  Aside the love making bit are there any qualities you see in her? Try and look at the positive side of her and do well to forget about it. I’m sure so is a faithful wife, beautiful, hard working and caring.  Look at the brighter side of her because your next wife might be a virgin, but a very terrible wife. I’m glad you’re seeking professional help. See some few questions on our online marriage counseling page.

All the best!

 


5 Responses so far.

  1. Iddrisu Basuglo says:

    please Doc.,how can I determine who a virgin is as an ordinary person?

    • Love Dr. says:

      It will be difficult unless you take her for her word.

      Maybe the way she acts towards you when you get touchy.
      Buy until the day you make love I doubt if you can.

      Even with the some girls break their hymen during physical activities like sports
      so the fact that a lady have a broken hymen doesn’t mean she’s not a virgin.

      At the end of the day it’s about trust and respect not virginity.

  2. Sun glasses says:

    Remember my bro as a man u are nt sopos to resean dat aspect. Wat u need is a wife dat can take gud care of ur house & family. & wife who will hav a gud reputation.

  3. !Pain Killer says:

    Trust its the important thing in any relationship and she broke your before marriage, listen you have to spend your life with her so think about you because it is your life. Tell your family clear that you don’t want to marry with her you can marry with another girl of your family members choice

  4. James bond says:

    Get alot of gfs outside and a lot of friends.Fil in ur free time with something good so you don’t even get a chance to think about it.All girls lie.


About Relationship Counselor

Love Doctor is a very open minded person. Gives true love advice and states it as it is in order for the person to get the message unadulterated.