How do I Leave My Unhappy Marriage

Hi, My husband and I have been together for 4 years before we got married. We are now married for 9 months and every single day I think of ways to leave him. Since we’ve been married he started drinking heavily and stays out all hours of the night. When he eventually returns he is verbally abusive bordering on the physical side of abuse.

This could go on for days or weeks and then all of a sudden he would be attentive and loving for a day or two. He does not speak when he is sober and denies he has a drinking problem. I’ve threatened to leave if he does not seek help. He would make an appointment for counselling but does not attend. I feel like I’m stuck in a rut and don’t know how to get out of it. On the one hand I really want to help him and on the other I just want to flee and not look back.

I hate feeling unloved, being ignored, disrespected and lied to. Every single day this goes on, the distance between us grows wider and what I felt for him is diminishing. How do I leave knowing he needs help but how can I stay if all I want to do is leave?


Hello Worried Wife,

I believe your husband wasn’t drinking before marriage since you dated him for 4 years.  There should be a reason for his drinking and hopefully it’s not because of you.  Try to first help me out by being loving and caring when he’s home. If the abuse is physical then I advise you leave (not divorce, just separate from him).  Get someone he respects to talk to him and he might change. Thankfully asklovedr has articles that can help you depending on which lane you want to take.

1. If you want to help him stop drinking and keep the marriage please read our article on  How to help an alcoholic husband  .  This might help him.

2. Maybe he is also not happy in the marriage. Try to make him happy and he might reciprocate your actions. See How to make a husband happy

2. If you want to really and you feeling abused but can not figure out please see How women stay in abusive relationship

One Response so far.

  1. Chantel Iris says:

    Leaving the marriage will not solve anything my dear. rather you need to weigh out various solutions that can aid you two in making this marriage work. he has a drinking problem from the way you talk about it…, try ways and means of helping him overcome this problem. he cant just stop drinking overnight my dear, its a gradual process ok. be there for him and take him through every step of his recovery from this bad habit. try contacting some relations of his, so they to talk to him concerning this attitude. but don’t walk out of the marriage. you have to try to make it work before you go. not all marriages are trouble free. repair yours now and you’ll be glad you did.

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