Boyfriend is Not Ready to Get Married

Hello. I’m a 22 Asian girl, my boyfriend is 29 years old and he is European. We have been knowing each other for over a year. I met him in my country thanks to a dating site. After a month, he went back to his country because of his work. At that time, he likes me but he didn’t think that he would come back here for me. We had been talking everyday and doing video calls for 6 months. Then he decided to come back to visit me and we went on a trip together.

He said he started loving me after that trip. And he comes back to my country every 2-3 months, it’s not a constant number though, because maybe he can not visit soon. He asked me to go there to visit him. Because i live with my parents and they are strict and i am not earning money at the moment. So he said he will take care of everything (flight tickets, visa,…) But i just can not, because my parents are strict and they don’t know about my relationship with him. They have been urging me to have a boyfriend (same nationality as mine). And to be honest, i’m an independent and simple girl, i just want to get married soon and take care of my husband.

So i asked him about marriage, he said he is not ready to live with someone permanently at the moment and it’s important to live with someone happily till the rest of your life so he is not sure about our compatibility. Because he is super intelligent and when he wants to talk about things like science, technology, stock market,… it seems like my knowledge is not wide enough, but i still listen to him. To me, he is a perfect person, he is loyal, intelligent, gentle. He knows how to use his money, he never wastes it on something unworthy. It seems like we don’t have many common interests but the way we live is the same, we always support each other. It’s like i don’t want to go to bars and he neither. Both of us prefer to cook foods at home instead of going out to eat,… He is not the kind of guy who will do whatever his girlfriend wants.

He always considers about it first, if it’s reasonable, he will agree. And i am kind of an obidient and understanding girl, he always says that i’m the cutest girl he has ever met. Many people think that Asian girls want to date foreigners because of money but i don’t, and he knows that. I wants to get married soon, but he doesn’t, he even said he absolutely will not think about marriage for the 2 years, maybe 3 or 4 years. When i said if he doesn’t want to get married soon, we will have to break up. he said he felt shocked, then he said ok, if it’s what i want. He said if we broke up, he would want to keep in touch with me, but i don’t want to. Then he said he doesn’t want to break up. by the way, he has never said that he thinks i’m the right one for him. he always says “all good things take time”, and it took a long time for him to say “i love you”.

A few months ago, i asked if he saw any future with me, he said yes. But a few days ago, he said he is not sure because of this situation (i want to get married soon, but he doesn’t). And i don’t want to waste my youth with someone who can’t decide if i’m the one or not. i have always felt that he is the one for me, and i’m the most suitable girl for him. So what should i do?

Counseling on Boyfriend is Not Ready

The worst thing you can do to yourself is to force someone who isn’t ready for marriage to marry you! At most, you’ll get a marriage ceremony but will live single ever after. This guy is not ready and you are. My advice is to move on. It’s also good to find a boyfriend you have so much in common with. ┬áIt saves you so much headache


2 Responses so far.

  1. Tijani says:

    the fact is that you should be happy he has told you his mind, now is up to you to decide. he said he not ready to stay with someone permanently at the moment, and remember you cant force him to marry you.
    What i will say is that, you know you heart, if you think he is the best for you and you think you can wait then, but the question is how long, remember someone who truly loves someone will strive to make that person his own( marry ), that is what is called true love because he has at least given you some level of self esteem.
    The ball is in your court, kick it right

  2. Bright Bethwel says:

    Do you want to live in an unhappy marriage? I guess not but if so then keep forcing him to marry you. I advice you break up and move on with your life, at least he has made his intentions known to you that he isn’t ready to get married yet, and if you feel you can’t wait, please move on. Moreover you two don’t really have much in common so its still better if you moved on.
    One thing you should be cautious of is not to force anyone to marry you because you are eager to marry. You will get married and might later regret it for the rest of your life.


About Relationship Counselor

Love Doctor is a very open minded person. Gives true love advice and states it as it is in order for the person to get the message unadulterated.