My Husband Wants to Divorce

Hi, I need an urgent advice. My husband and I were married according to religious law and not civil as my husband never wanted to get married according to civil law. According to my religion, if my husband wants a divorce, he has to give me a 3 month notice before he pronounce the divorce. It is in case if I am pregnant or if he wants to reconcile with me.

But my husband has decided to divorce me and that his final decision and I was given 3 month, before he send me a letter for the divorce. I really don’t know what to do because we were madly in love since 2009 and we got married in 2013.

Since two weeks ago, my husband wants to divorce, and he said that he is fed up with me and he does not love me anymore. We have got lot of problems because of his family since we got married do not like me. They interfered a lot in our lives. And they like my elder brother in law ‘wife rather than me, as she is from France and she is fair complexion. I am middle complexion. Since my wedding, they have shown that difference. But still I have tried to maintain the family relationship with them during those years.

My husband is really attached to his family and he does not like when I complain about them and above all his mother as he really loves his mother. He get really angry when I complained about them and he tried to make me see things according to his view, that his family likes me and it is me who is always negative about them,etc. My husband does not support me at all when I tried to explain to him about how unfair they behave toward me.

We were living at his family place when we got married but then we have left the place because I was getting too much fight with them, and we have bought a house for ourselves. My husband always wanted to return to live nearby his family and near his work. I have bought a land near his work so that he could build his house. Last year, my husband sold the house and his dad has proposed him to buy his house and my husband has even agreed. He wanted his parents to live in a house in our yard.

He has even told his dad that I will be giving half of my money to buy the house. I was not aware that he told his dad about that, but even I have agree to help him – on condition he has to marry me to civil law. He said that he agreed on paper we will be both have the property of the house. I have agreed. But in the beginning of this year we fought because when I told him that I wanted him to put a separation in the yard near his parents house so we don’t get a fight, he did not agree.

My husband finally took the decision that he will purchase the house himself without my help. We also got a fight over his nephew of 5 years old, as the kid tend to follow my husband every time we go out with his family. People think my husband is his father now. My husband has to carry him, make him swim at the sea,etc. I was really angry as I wanted some limits and privacy with my husband as we are couple and we don’t have kids (my husband did not want baby and I have a some complications about getting pregnant.  I have to do an operation if I wanted to get pregnant.

But my husband was angry when I told him about his nephew, the first time he even made me cry and he has taken this kid with us despite I told him not to. The second time we got a fight over the same topic he became violent, he has even beaten once because of that and since that day he has changed a bit, he was showing less of interest in our married life and less love toward me. My husband acted as if all is normal, and that I did not really notice that he was not really interested in this marriage.

I agree that I also have my part of the blame.  I have hurt him with words and maybe with his family stuff also. But I have always done my best to maintain this relationship no matter what, but he does not seem to find me good anymore or everything that I do for him. It is recently when my birthday party was finished, I told him that his mother has not even called me to wish me. I call her to wish her every year and I have even cook for her birthday. He was angry about it, telling me that I have spoil his mood and when I got home I have thrown away a gift which his mother has given me for an occasion.

He became mad at me. And he said that his mother was sick but went to buy this gift for me,and that I can’t appreciate her effort. I think at night that made him cry. And when I went to his family house 3 days later, I told his mom that she did not wish me and I don’t want to talk to her and that she is unfair toward me. This has made him really angry again but I have apologised to his mum the same day, his mother said that she has forgiven me. But she taken my words, 1 day later she has fallen sick and her blood pressure has raised due to stress and she said it all because of me.

Since that day my husband said that he is fed up with me and he left me at my mom place and later he said he wants to divorce. His family and friends has tried to talk to him but he does not want to listen to anyone. I have put a photo of us on facebook, he told me to remove it as it embarrassed him. He has even removed me from his facebook. My sister was still on his friend list, she showed me photo of him, doing activities like going to do quad bike, on speedboat, etc and having fun with his cousin who just came from abroad on holiday.

He has even written that he is free as a bird from cage and posting lot of his selfies. My husband  did not like to do selfies when he was with me. I have even called him and cry and beg him not to do that but he said that he is not happy with me. He told me to take my stuff away from his place, I went to his place last Friday to take my stuffs and I have tried to persuade him again and cry but he said that he is fed up with me and if I really love him then I should let him go. I told him that I will change and will accept his family but he told me that I will never change and that it is too late now.

He said am too materialistic which I know he is wrong on that as I have always supported him even in his bad time, I did not care about money and I was about to help to buy his dad house. How could he say that?  He told me that I should take this as a lesson of life and us as memory. And that I should move on. I have cried and begged him. I have tried to hug him when I cried but he did not touch me, rather he told me that the situation is becoming weird and that I should leave before he change his mood. He became a bit aggressive.

I gave him a love letter before I left but seem it did nothing to him if he has read it. I still have some stuff at his place and he told me that he will bring them, but he has not brought them yet. I still love him a lot but I don’t know what should I do. Am so depressed and shocked by this sudden decision of his. I cant even imagine my life without him.

Since 2009 we were together and was so in love, now I am left with a heart broken and his memory, I don`t understand how he could live his life as if nothing happened as if he never have feeling for me.

Marriage Counseling on My Husband Wants a Divorce

Your husband and yourself need to grow up. Your husband loves his family and I believe you love your family too. You two need to start treating each others family with respect and dignity.

If you want to get back with him, try getting his close family to talk to him. Looks like he will listen to those he loves

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One Response so far.

  1. Tijani says:

    hmmm yh that 3 months is also to see if your husband really wants to divorce you, during this period he has no right to touch you, he has no right on you but you will still live in his house, he should feed you for the whole 3months.

    during this period, i will urge you to adapt your style of dressing before he met you, i believe you understand what i am trying to say, he will be tempted, You really have to dress and be looking beautiful everyday, you need to just pretend nothing is happening.
    you are going to appear “tasty” to him.

    if he still insist that he wants the divorce after that 3 months then the guy is determined..

    and about his parents loving the elder brother’s wife over you because of where she is coming from or her complexion sounds somehow tho, i advice you listen to your husband, i also believe you are taking it too personal, and too far for that matter.

    My sister, you need to pray, complain to some religious leaders and ask them to remember you in prayers, not to pray for you, but rather remember you in their prayers, because its good we ask God our problems our self rather asking someone to do that on our behalf.

    stay blessed my sister
    Assalamu alaikum.

About Relationship Counselor

Love Doctor is a very open minded person. Gives true love advice and states it as it is in order for the person to get the message unadulterated.