My Wife Does Not Desire Me

Lately I’ve been dealing with a ton of insecurities. I got that in check and no longer fear that my wife wants other guys but I’ve noticed a trend in how she is towards me. She’s never mean or angry she just doesn’t show me the same affection or passion that she used to. She’s been reading laden romance novels for the last couple years, she only complements me or tells me in one way or another that she is attracted to me flirtatiously when I can’t hide that I feel neglected.

The last time she messaged me with unsolicited desire for me was over three months ago. The last time she made and unsolicited comment about how attractive I am was July 7th. Tonight she rejected me in bed then when she thought I was hurt, which I wasn’t, she asked “can I change my mind?” I asked her what changed her mind and she told me that it would be too long before we could make love and she wanted to get off.

Then she told me that she didn’t want to go to long and to basically hurry up. She rarely makes advances towards me. To me it seems like she has lost interest in me. I feel like she doesn’t want to hurt my feelings because we have a great relationship otherwise but everything else in her life is more important than me. We used to have amazing passion. In the last year I have found myself regularly hurt and even angry that she no longer goes out of her way to show me or tell me how I turn her on or how she wants me as much as I want her.

She says that she wants me to dominate her. I do, and I enjoy it as much as she does but maybe her books have put her expectations so high that she just isn’t satisfied anymore. She stopped reading them when I told her how it makes me feel. She doesn’t disagree when I tell her I know that’s why she read them. There’s only so much I can do to try to be the men she reads about. My biggest fear is that I’m starting to not care. Sometimes I feel like I would rather be alone than with my wife of 15 years because it would hurt less not having to hope one day she will show me affection the same way I show her affection.

The part that hurts so much is that no matter how much I sacrifice and work to take care of her and our children I rarely get told how important I am or how desired I am. It’s only when it becomes obvious that I am hurting that she makes any attempt to tell me these things. I keep hoping that it’s just the things she’s going through. I’ve talked to her about it a few times and things are better for a short time but then it all just fades away again. I’m tired and I’m losing hope that she wants me or respects me. After typing all of this you would think I’m a skinny little punk of a man. I’m 248 lbs, 6’2″ and am tough. Please tell me what I’m doing wrong and how to change the seemingly disastrous course my marriage is on because I can’t keep living like this. I can’t live my life questioning whether or not my wife even wants me.

Marriage Counseling on My Wife Doesn’t Desire Me

You’ve been married for 15 years! It’s different than dating. You need to rekindle that love always for it to remain like you first started out. Do the things she love and shower her with love or whatever makes her happen.

Sincerely, you sounded a bit like a woman.  I think you’re being emotional than your wife and she’s playing on that. Just begin to show that you don’t really care and she will begin to see the treat of losing you to another woman.

From there she will sit up.



About Relationship Counselor

Love Doctor is a very open minded person. Gives true love advice and states it as it is in order for the person to get the message unadulterated.