Re-inventing Yourself, Dating After Divorce
You can’t believe its over; but finally you got to sign the divorce papers and you are free once more to start life on a fresh page. You’ve been through a lot of stress…. emotionally, psychologically and physically. But the great news is that, it’s over now! All in the past and you’ve got to move on. Then the question of the day pops up….’where do I go from here?’… The process of going through a divorce can be unbearable but even more confusing facing the aftermath. After a divorce, your freedom is gained back and your personal life now assumes the position of a single person. Getting in touch with that new part or side of you can be very challenging for most divorcees out there. Since you were so used to being attached to your married partner, you slowly and gradually loose hold of your own identity and personality. That feeling of being single now becomes a whole new adventure and challenge. Nevertheless, you can still manage to rise above all of these difficulties and re-organize your life back into what it used to be. Wondering how this can be possible? Here are some few pointers to take note of that might just do the trick to get you back on the dating board!
First and most important point of all- after going through the whole phase of divorce, it’s advisable to allow yourself mourn before you start dating after divorce. You need to mourn the loss you just experienced and let it all out. It doesn’t really matter who sought for a divorce first in the marriage; one way or another, divorce always manages to break everyone apart. The hurt you feel for losing the marriage you cherished so much, the pain of losing a home, a husband, a companion….., must all be channeled and brought out through the mourning stages. This better equips and fortifies you mentally, emotionally and physically to embrace newer and better relationships with others.
You need to work on your feelings. You should never carry your baggage of uncertainty and mixed feelings from a past relationship into a new one. Don’t allow all of the excesses in your divorce and past marriage life take its toll on your new found single life. You are moving on, so should your past. In order to get your life back in order and start dating again, you need to let go of all those feelings you’ve got bottled up inside. Hatred, distrust, fears, anger are all feelings following the aftermath of a divorce. It’s not something you’d want to be carrying about in your new life.try seeking help through counseling, which will help a great deal. You’ve got to work on yourself.
Also, very importantly, you must learn to like & love yourself. There’s that tendency of feeling low, self-esteem wise and total self rejection among a whole lot of innate emotions that surges from a person who’s been through a divorce. There’s that feeling of assuming that one is not capable of ever loving, dating or even worthy of being in a relationship after a divorce due to the variant challenges faced. You might feel the need not to venture into any relationship ever, because your marriage didn’t work out as you planned it. But, this assumption is entirely false and you can do so much to get out of it. Begin to build your inner and outer confidence and have faith/believe in your potentials and worth. You can achieve happiness even after a divorce. It’s not the end of the world for you. You can date and have a fantastic life.
You need to rediscover who you used to be before the marriage and the breakup (divorce).once upon a time you were married; your whole life was centered on your marriage as well as your life time partner. You hardly even recall what your life used to be before you tied the knot! Its time you re-visited the old you….the old you when you were single and hopeful towards dating and relationships in general. It’s just you now and you’ve got to do a lot of adjustments to better be in tune with the new you. You have to leave that confined space or niche you’ve gradually carved for yourself in the course of your divorce. Break away from that point in your life and re-discover the new and single you, ready to hit the dating market.
Lastly, you need to consider other forms of relationships aside what you normally acquainted to or prefer getting into. This is because, after going through that phase of divorce, what you’ll normally prefer doing in terms of dating is to go all out for your kind of preferred relationship and end up avoiding other relationships. Now when you this, you limit yourself to the diverse opportunities on hold for you out there to date and try something new for a change. It can get very boring and unexciting dating the same kind of people each time you up for a relationship. You must learn to step out of your comfort zone and try out transitional relationships. It’s really ok to date people you not that attracted to; it doesn’t ruin anything but rather sets your newly acquired single life into a state of dynamism. You get to have lots of variation when it comes to dating and might even help in choosing the right person.
With all the above mentioned, I would say that being celibate after a long ended relationship is one thing; but getting the urge to bounce back and fitting into the world of singles after the breakup of a marriage, is also another thing. You need to make that conscious effort to let go off your past and pave way for something new, vibrant and exciting in your life….Dating! You can be happy if you want to be regardless of whatever situation you face, and divorce can’t be excluded. Divorce is not an end to all predicaments faced, in fact it’s a platform that offers one the opportunity to re-assess their lives and try correcting all of the wrongs faced during the whole process of marriage. You need to get back your life and move on. Happiness they say comes from within…., make that choice to be happy and start enjoying life as a single person ready to explore every avenue of dating available.
Re-inventing Yourself, Dating After Divorce was written By: Chantelle Iris Nunoo.