Most people don’t believe this act exists due to the fact that one can never really get abused by a spouse or someone very close to a person, a husband or wife so to speak.
Hmmm….how true is that now? Rape is one subject that needs not be toiled with especially judging from the fact that it could leave quite an enormous scar in the life of one even after decades of the act passing out of the memory of others….., it stays and lingers on in the mind of the victim, often serving as a form of emotional torture that could be frustrating and unbearable. Our reactions and opinions relating to rape can differ in diverse ways. Even though some of you out there may have gone through such traumatic acts hence becoming victims, the way one feels may be entirely different to the next person who might just be an observer so speaking. I want to use this article as a platform in addressing what is and what’s not about the whole marital rape issue which seems very much shrouded in understanding and comprehension generally for most people.
There exist several forms of rape. But I decide to categorize it into two different forms…namely, the stranger kind of rape and the intimate kind of rape. Stranger rape may be the commonest form of rape that we all might be familiar with or often hear people talk about. It mostly involves people we hardly know or happen to share any personal feelings or affections with. We have no form of history whatsoever with them and they are people we usually recognize as being the bad people who abuse us just to satisfy their selfish interests. One is often left feeling guilty as though they caused themselves to be raped and the emotional as well as physical pain felt is often unimaginable.
Marital rape is quite different from what we just mentioned above. It is very different and entails a lot more than just the normal physical and sexual violence accompanying stranger rape. It’s an abuse of trust in totality! It involves someone you’ve been with, grown with and come to love as being a part of you. That’s the person who knows your every secret and worst fear. The vey person you’ve managed to give your heart, soul and body to. Not forgetting u share a home with them, got kids and your history even travels way back. Marital rape is that very destructive weapon which tears the very depth and core of the fundamental basis of any relationship and marriage as a whole. Now in creating a distinctive difference between the two forms of rape we dealing with one has to understand the basis and depth of both rapes and what it really represents in the life of one. While stranger rape is often that act of physical and sexual violence, so distant from the victims normal relationship life, marital rape goes further and deeper into the personal life of one and is what I’ll refer to as the best example of an act of abuse in a relationship( abusive relationship). With marital rape it’s not usually a one-off event or act like stranger rape where one can get control of the situation and even prevent its subsequent occurrence. With marital rape, the act of abuse is a repeated or a frequent one. It’s virtually one act that involves ones marital partner utilizing force or coercion in controlling a victim in order to have their way with them sexually. But even with this kind of act, we do have variant types of which any married person out there could be facing but may not even know that they’re in abusive marriages in the first place.
Types of Marital rape
- Force-only-rape: Now this type of marital rape is one in which unlike the others is devoid of any form of physical violence whatsoever. There’s the desire coming from one partner to always want to dominate or exert some form of power or control over the next person. This desire is brought out as a result of one partner thinking or having the mindset of sex being an entitlement of which they must have or get whenever they want and feel for it using whatever power it is they have over the other person.
- Battery rape: This occurs when sexual and physical violence happens simultaneously. It can also happen with one following the other quite closely or immediately, but all in a bid of the abuser in pacifying the victim being abused with sex. Over here, the sexual assault or rape follows right after battery takes place, a point where the victim is very much vulnerable and weak to want to deny the abuser any chance of wanting to have their way with them. Sexual rape is used here as the item of pacification in so speaking to make up with the victim after the physical abuse has taken place.
- Sadistic rape: also known as obsessive rape is the type of marital rape which often involves severe and extreme torture of some kind experienced during sexual intercourse. It can be very dangerous, violent, and intense, which could lead one into sustaining various degrees and forms of physical injuries. There’s often the belief coming from the abuser, of pain being equivalent and comparable to pleasure of which without, one cannot fully get that sexual satisfaction or desire they seek for in a relationship, in this case, their marriages.it could be dehumanizing to the victim and most people who face such abuses in marriage, may not be bold enough in letting others know of this.
Now, as we delve deeper into marital rape, why don’t we take a look at some likely effects one is bound to experience both physically and emotionally after going through the process of abuse (rape) in marriage.
Physical effects include:
- Bruises and cuts.
- Injuries to the vagina and anal areas.
- Scrapes on skin and soreness.
- Torn muscles.
- Broken bones.
- Miscarriages and still births.
- Severe injuries caused by tools used.
- Sexually transmitted infections such as; Aids, gonorrhea etc.
Emotional effects include:
- Suicidal thoughts.
- Loss of fundamental trust in relationship.
- Post-traumatic stress disorder.
- Shock and continues fear.
- Fear and intense anxiety.
Marital rape once upon a time was ignored and regarded as unimportant due to the level of understanding applied to it in general. The law and society gave it no attention and people who usually went through such traumas always had to hide the abuse so as not to raise any eyebrows in what’s being done to them. Many women who fall victims to this act often find it difficult in defining their situation as being rape. They tend to justify the actions of their partners abuse towards them as being some kind of communication defect, religious submission or natural phenomenon associated with most males who have the urge for sex most often and are pre-disposed to getting it any way they can. I cry foul to this assertion and think it’s totally wrong as no one can truly justify the reasons for which they decide to hurt and abuse another. It’s just unpardonable and nothing can change that fact! Being ignorant of the fact that what’s being done to one constitutes an abuse, could make the abuse go on and last for even longer since not much help is sought by the victim in salvaging the situation. But the situation is not entirely lost as one can still fight and gain the desired freedom they seek away from the abuser. I believe we all have the power to make an abuse stop! It starts with coming out and acknowledging the fact that your rights as a person have been stolen and trampled upon. It starts by telling yourself that you can set yourself free from an abuse once you manage to stand up and defend your rights and what you believe in. we all stand for something, but it needs a little bit more of discovery to unearth that other side of us that’s very unique and sets us apart from one another…., that’s my personal believe. If you don’t stand for something…., you’ll always fall for anything.