Marriage Counseling Pros and Cons
No matter how rosy and happy a couple may appear in a marriage; problems and differences are bound to occur. It’s never an easy experience having couples go through the challenges of handling various conflicting ideas and to a greater extent resolving these issues. Most often at times too, partners can’t even seem to agree on what the issue at hand is, much less finding ways and means of resolving. But however the case, if the two are willing and put in collective efforts to address the issues or problems faced, effective results can be attained. One may ask how problems effectively can be solved in marriages; but the answer can’t be far-fetched as the commonest and most sought after means is through marriage counseling. Now, marriage counseling also known as couples therapy can be defined as a type of psychological therapy aimed towards helping couples of various kinds involved in relationships in recognizing as well as resolving the diverse conflicts and problems faced before, during and after marriage, in order to better and improve upon the relationship.
Through this means of conflict resolution; marriage counseling can offer one the thoughtful decision of building upon their relationship or choosing to quit the relationship without having to bother of the outcome. Marriage counseling is most usually provided by a qualified and well vested person known as a marriage counselor or therapist. This person is one who is quite experienced and has gained the requisite knowledge in handling and dealing with relationship issues as well as marital problems. Marriage counseling is only done for a short term or period and usually involves both partners coming together and working towards a common goal, which is resolving issues in the marriage. But other times too, there’s just the involvement of one partner who chooses to work with the counselor or therapist solely. Circumstances might play a major role in determining partner’s participation in the whole counseling treatment plan or therapy. Going on further; one may be forced to ask of what importance counseling really is? Is it that necessary? Or of what benefit does it bring to a troubled relationship or marriage? To better get to understand this, why don’t we first take a look at some of the pros of marriage counseling and then the cons:
Pros of Marriage Counseling
• Marriage Counseling when taken strengthens the bond/ union between married couples or even those involved in various forms of relationships, thus helping them develop an even better and closer relationship in their friendship. This usually happens as a result of the counseling sessions taken together by the couples which are geared towards drawing them closer while they solve their challenges and differences in the process. Through constant involvement in the therapy sessions, couples get to share closeness and stronger relations with each other, which draws them further together hither to when they were drawing apart with the onset of their problems.
• Marriage Counseling helps couples who are yet to marry or even planning to get married, achieve a better and deeper understanding of one another thus paving way for the solving and addressing of issues before eventually getting married. This allows the couples gain fair knowledge or idea of how to relate and handle their partners in the marriage as to when problems or conflicts arise in the latter stages of the union. It’s this form of counseling known generally to most people as the pre- marriage counseling, and it’s carried out by almost every couple who wants to tie the knot. Most churches of modern day ages even go to the extent of making this form of counseling therapy a pre- requisite norm which must be adhered to by every couple before deciding to proceed towards the altar for the blessing and permission of the church in general.
• Also through marriage counseling, counselors are able to detect and diagnose the depth of a couples problems or conflicts involved in the relationship and get to deduce possible solutions that aids in solving the crises. By this means, partners get to realize their faults and short comings as well as all the wrongs practiced in the marriage or relationship that shouldn’t have taken place and try their best to better and correct these errors, making way for the conflict to be resolved with much ease.
• Furthermore, through marriage counseling, couples get to vent out their frustrations and innermost hurts as well as truths to a third person ( counselor), who’s there to listen and in the best position to provide wide range of options and answers to guide couples as to how to solve their problems thus achieving the best efficacy, result -wise.
However, aside the above mentioned positives marriage counseling brings to most couples in marriages and relationships in general, it can be argued that there are quite a number of uncertainties also associated with this process. Challenges or negatives mostly incurred include…
Cons of Marriage Counseling
• Marriage Counseling is not a hundred percent accurate, and does not always work right for everybody. Some couples believe in the process of counseling so much so, that at times when they don’t get the required or desired answers they need from the process it becomes quite unbearable and extremely frustrating. This could even go a step further towards deterring other couples who would like to give counseling a chance, but wouldn’t due to its undetermined accuracy or efficacy. No one’s really ready and willing to go into something they aren’t sure of or have no idea as to how it’s going to turn out.
• Also, most marriage counseling therapy sessions usually take a longer time to complete and are extremely expensive to attain thus, is only reachable to just a few numbers out there who are affluent and can readily afford to foot the bill. If one is unable to afford it, amidst the time length going to be spent, also being a hindrance, then eventually most couples would rather prefer to keep their problems and solve it without the help of counseling.
• Again, through the process of marriage counseling, issues and past faults of couples are brought to light and memories of what happened, when it happened and who caused what to happen are all re-called back into the future, which is a good thing most of the time; but not every couple is ready to go through this kind of process in dealing with the problem at hand. Sometimes good results may be achieved using this mode of therapy, but other times too, it doesn’t really work. In order to avoid this, couples would prefer to deal with issues all by themselves and not have to go through any means of counseling to address their pressing issues. It makes them feel somewhat reluctant and a bit drawn back when it comes to approaching counseling for help in solving their issues.
• Moreover, couples tend to think that marriage counseling is the definite, trusted and most insurable end to all the problems and complications faced in marriages or relationships at large and as such tend to rely solely on the counseling therapy sessions as well as the counselors to mend or make right the situations faced, without they themselves having much participation in the process. They don’t seem involved or enthused about the whole process of re-building their marriages or relationships and put in little or no effort at all in ensuring that their problems get solved. Further deteriorating their situation and making matters even more complex.
Marriage counseling has been in existence for ages now, and since then been passed on from generation to generation in a bid to aid in resolving problems and complications faced before, during and after marriages as well as variant relationship issues faced by most couples. Though it can’t be said to be extremely effective or efficient in resolving every situation faced in marriages and relationships, to some extent, counseling has had the ability of saving most marriages and relationships that were on the verge of ‘dying’. An important fact to note about counseling whether for marriage purposes or not is that, it gives couples the true realization of the things they’ve been doing wrong in the relationship they have with each other (be it, marriage or courting relations), and of what their conflicting ideas and views is all about. It doesn’t end just there, but further goes on to nurture them on the importance or vitals of listening to each other, understanding, valuing and appreciating the relationship shared between them. Counseling gives a clearer picture of what’s happening, why it’s happening and how it can be made to stop happening. It addresses a lot of specific and vital issues at the end of the day faced by most couples such as; communication problems, sexual difficulties, financial difficulties, anger management issues, infidelity, divorce, substance abuse , only to mention a few, which is of a lot of importance to most relationships and marriages of today.
From a writers point of view, I believe that in order for marriage to undergo effective counseling that will transform the conditions of a troubled couple; there is the need for both partners to have that willingness to take up the responsibility for their role in the problem, accepting their faults and be motivated or encouraged to mend the relationship. Marriage, once upon a time was revered and had vows followed to the letter, but when things start going hay wire and dwindling with each passing phase of the relationship, couples get the feeling of quitting and walking out from the nightmare faced. But, there is the need to have that optimism and positive approach towards issues faced in marriages and relationships. Taking the decisive step to get counseling can be tough in reality. If you going through any form of complication in a marriage or relationship, seeking help through various opened avenues is more effective and reliable than having to ignore your problems, but hoping that they’d get solved by themselves. The bottom line in all of this is that; with or without counseling, couples should learn to be able to resolve their own issues independently without always having to rely on other external means thoroughly in doing that for them. Marriage counseling is a great help and means of solving conflicts in marriages and relationships; but over- reliance on the process should be avoided as much as possible. Be happy and work your situation out, with counseling or no counseling at all! This is entirely dependent on you and how best you feel your situations can be resolved with the right means best appreciated and preferred by you and your partner. Just give it your best shot and aim for what you think best suits you.
Pros and Cons of Marriage Counseling Written By; Chantelle Iris Nunoo.